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Friday, 25 May 2012

till we meet again, ayah...

23 mei 2012...
2 rejab 1433H..
4.30 am...

bangun pagi jam 5.30, tengok ada msg kat fon...
along...tnya da bangun ke belum...
sy reply dan tanya kenapa....
n she asked, bila exam...
i said tomorrow, referring to my first paper...didn't even mention about the presentation for FYP which is 10.30 a.m on that day...
n again i ask, why...i can feel something is not right....
" ayah dah meninggal kol 4.30 pagi tadi...jangan sentap...al-fatihah n doa banyak2...n jawab exam leklok..."
(ayah = atuk yang kami panggil ayah @ tok ayoh)

and i speechless....
i just can reply her,
" nak balik jugak...hrini present FYP..."
i can't believe it...even me myself know...itu kenyataannya...
ayah dah tade...
can't hold it anymore....i tried to calm down...
but, i think crying is the best way and i cried buckets...
no one with me but I know Allah always with me...
menangis dan menangis....

along cakap cane nak balik, ada exam, xsempat....
at that time i really wish, kelantan tu sebelah gombak ni je...
xpun, ada pintu doraemon yang bila sy lalu pintu tu, dah sampai umah...

" last time i saw him was during hari raya...last time i heard his voice was when i called him..can't even visit him when he was sick...n now can't even going back when he left us..."

menangis lagi...Allah saje yang tahu..kenangan dengan ayah terus menerus tergambar di fikiran...mata bengkak...n saya sangat rindu kat ayah....

sy minta nasihat teman2 terdekat...risau hilang fokus kerana hari itu present FYP...
dugaan Allah nak bagi kat saya...
ayah tade pada hari sy present FYP n tengah nk exam final...
sy tak dapat balik...
pergi engin dengan langkah yang mengalir air mata...
i said to myself...
i have to be strong...saya dalam ujian DIA....

then, nana (my kazen) msg...
k.eid buat leklok FYP...dia pun xsempat balik...
dia suh sy sabar n present leklok...
n again, kenangan kami dengan ayah mmg melekat dalam memori sy...
n nana said...
" kak eid, he leaves us for real...x sempat pun nk cakap kita sayang dia...n we never got to hug him again.."

how i wish to be kanak-kanak riang again...when it was his first time went to makkah...nana n i cried...thought he will never come back...but at that time, he hugged us, kissed us on the forehead and said, ayah akan balik...
n dia balik...
but it was few years ago....
n now, he leaves us...for real...
will never get to see his smile again..
cannot jokes with him again...
but i know...deep inside...
we will meet again...
we'll meet again ayah...
at the jannah...insyaAllah...

n abah(my father) said,
adik doa bnyak2...
mengaji, sedekahkan tuk arwah...doa kita sampai dik...
walaupun jauh, tetap sampai..
abah redha ayah pergi...
adik pun kena lah redha ayah pergi...
n sy cakap dalam hati...
berkali-kali saya cakap dalam hati...
" ayah, kak sayang ayah...kak akan tetap rindu ayah...kita akan jumpa lagi ayah, di syurga sana...semoga doa-doa kami sampai untuk ayah...al-fatihah.."


notasayang::
a) ujian Allah datang tanpa kita bersedia...dan dari situlah teruji kekuatan iman dan ketabahan hati untuk menghadapinya...semoga menjadi orang-orang yang paling berbahagia, dengan senyuman yang menutup keresahan dan kesedihan....dan dengan hati yang redha dan bersyukur kerana tergolong diantara hamba-hamba yang terpilih untuk mendapat ujian kasih sayangNya...ameen... 
~~semoga ditabahkan hati ~~

" siapakah orang yang paling manis senyumannya...?? orang yang paling manis senyumannya adalah apabila dia ditimpa ujian...dia tersenyum dan berkata...aku redha dengan ujianMu ya Allah..."

 
b) Alhamdulillah, presentation FYP berjalan lancar...n one of the examiner said, I'm happy with your presentation...i'm very satisfied...Alhamdulillah...alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah...hidup perlu diteruskan...


ayah...till we meet again....kak sayang ayah...

al-fatihah...